The wildest ride that corresponds with the wilderness experience of change is having to be in a place of uncertainty, and with it, so many questions that don’t percolate answers fast enough to ease away the anxiety, fear and confusion. Even more frustrating, it may not be within your control to change it. But perhaps this where you are right now and don’t want to be, and that can be disconcerting for the goal planner in you. “This wasn’t supposed to happen!” “I didn’t see this coming!” “This was not in my plans.”

But here you are nonetheless, now with new choices as to how you will navigate your way through it and land on your feet after what seems like endless spinning. Your time in the wilderness is a lesson in letting go of what was, and now of doing life in a new way. It’s time to ride it out for the lessons it offers. And, oh there are some doozies!

Since my path took a most unexpected turn four years ago when my husband developed a mysterious neurodegenerative disorder, life as we knew it came to a screeching halt. Each year has brought new changes, new adaptations and I’ve had to let go of many ways of being and doing life since old ways no longer served my priorities. After the most gut-wrenching wilderness experience the first half of the year, Rick’s now permanently in long-term care.

This journey has changed me profoundly. I don’t go by rules. I’ve become a much greater risk-taker and realize the importance of creating joy, of laughing more, of not taking myself seriously, and even more so, to extend as much appreciation and love to others in whatever slices of time are carved out. Letting people know when they’ve touched my heart is a bold way of living and to me, the only way.

I realize much more about what I miss about having a partner. So much sharing of self that doesn’t get expressed and the sadness that can be profound at times of having to be in a space where you don’t want to be, but ride it out for the lessons it offers.