Sometimes people are cranky. Sometimes I am too, although as co-author of Get Along with Anyone, I do try to walk my talk and practice what I teach. Yet, I have my lessons in getting along, too. Indeed stressful days or situations can bring out the beast in all of us. Yet, creating positive and productive connections is critical for reducing stress and overall wellness and well-being.

We often don’t know when people are dealing with life issues that can impact positive connections with us. They’re frustrated, stressed out, and thorny behavior surfaces. Yet, others might exhibit more than occasional crankiness, what I term a Prickly personality.

When people get “prickly”, their thorny behavior can test us to the core. Our stamina. Our ability to maintain self-control. Our effectiveness in managing their difficult behavior. Our confusion about whether to confront an unpleasant interaction or just let it go. Our decision not to let their behavior control our own.

When you shift your focus, you enter interactions with a new perspective; this powerfully transforms difficult dynamics and makes a world of difference in how you respond and the experiences you create for yourself and others. It all depends on what you choose.

So I’m sharing “Shift Happens” as a reminder of changing some perspectives during difficult dynamics.

Shift Happens

Shift focus…

…To see those who are difficult to deal with, as those who may be dealing with many difficulties.

…To see those who do not smile, as those likely in need of one.

…To see those who are in your face, as those who really want to have your ear.

…To see those who have hurt you, as those who also hurt, often for reasons you cannot see.

…To see those whose ideas cause conflict, as those whose different perspectives may offer perfect solutions.

…To see those who upset you, as those who serve as the perfect teachers for opening your heart.

…To see those with a strong need to be right, as those who have a strong need to feel validated.

…To see those who hold grudges, as those who are choosing to invest their energy in hanging on rather than letting go; closed hearts cannot give or receive their intended gifts.

…To see the desire for connection, even when the possibility appears remote.

…To see how a hostile situation plagued with disconnection might be transformed into an opportunity for coming together.

…To see eye-to-eye, rather than an eye for an eye.

…When not seeing eye-to-eye, to seeing heart-to-heart.

…To see that you either choose to connect or choose something else; your actions either result in connection, or something else. Read the rest of this entry »

In my work as a Lifestyle and Wellness coach, I ask my clients and participants in my wellness workshops about their wellness wishes–how they want to look and feel. The most frequent wellness wishes topping the list are to have more energy, to lose weight, and to simply feel better. They’re sick and tired of not experiencing the quality of life that they long for, and it’s affecting their happiness and well-being.

So there’s the gap–the difference between their current reality of where they are, and where they wish they were on a higher rung of the wellness scale. Closing the gap means taking action to transform a wellness wish into reality and knowing why you want or need to do that. Sometimes it’s because their doctor has recommended some changes, but often it comes from within, of not wanting to continue life without the vitality, the gusto, that comes with improved wellness.

This means changing a pattern that’s obviously not creating their desired results. That takes commitment of an intention to take action in closing the gap to experience a better state of wellness, that they’ve determined they want. And so it goes for all of us who desire a different reality to enjoy vibrant energy, vitality and a healthy weight.

The degree of your commitment to what you want, usually makes all the difference in achieving those goals. So does your belief.  Your beliefs are powerful and largely influence your success–if you can envision a different state of wellness and believe you can achieve it (even with periodic doubt), your positive belief will reinforce your desires. Same is true when people don’t believe they can transform their current circumstances–they’re likely to derail their success, because they’re putting more power into failure, likely based on a pattern that’s hounded them. Read the rest of this entry »

Chances are, you know someone or quite likely many now, who have been stricken with the debilitating and life-changing impact of dementia. It produces a wide range of stresses and strains upon their caregivers, often family members unprepared for the the anguish it produces.

The disease is escalating, claiming a new victim every 68 seconds. Until you experience a loved one whose brain no longer works the same affecting memory, personality, grooming, independence, and exhibiting behaviors that are so unlike your loved one, it’s hard to imagine the countless ways the quality of life diminishes for them and the toll of the stresses and strains upon the caregiver.

A few startling statistics from the Alzheimer’s Association 2012 Facts and Figures report:

• One in eight Americans age 65+ has Alzheimer’s.
• By age 85, nearly half will have the disease.
• Today, 5.4 million Americans are living with Alzheimer’s and over 15 million family members and friends provide their unpaid care.
• By 2050, as many as 16 million will have the disease and the number of unpaid family caregivers will soar to 45 million.

I have many friends who are currently in the throes of caring for parents or spouses with dementia, and dealing with the drains and stresses from all of its challenges. I know it well, too.  Years ago, I was the caregiver for both my mother and husband whose brains were both ravaged by deterioration. It’s a constant battle of facing a continuing series of unexpected events that often require you to handle ultimately alone, and even with a support network, the extra burden become your responsibility.  

Through caregiving, you’re provided daily lessons of patience, compassion, and acceptance, along with coping with the potential for sheer exhaustion. Most importantly, your own reservoir of self-care must be replenished or you’re at risk of developing burn-out or illness and that has a domino effect, and vital that you support your own well-being. Fortunately, the Alzheimer’s Assn. has launched a social networking community, ALZConnected, for anyone impacted by Alzheimer’s disease. It provides a safe place for people to connect with others in similar situations to communicate, pose questions and offer solutions to dementia-related challenges, and create public and private groups organized around a dedicated topic.

If you are facing this challenge, get support and join the conversation at alzconnected.org.    
 

Christy Brinkley and her ex are really fueling a media frenzy in trying to make a case that the other is at fault. In my opinion, they’re both out of their heart space and into their egos, and that only fuels more angst and aggravation.

While having lunch yesterday with Arnold Sanow, fellow speaker and coach who coauthored with me, Get Along with Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere we talked about getting to the heart of needs in all of life’s connections.

Wouldn’t you agree that life is about quality connections? Our success, happiness, and well-being are largely the by-products of our ability to get along well with others and cultivate positive relationships. By revving up the connecting spirit, we attract cherished friendships, valuable relationships, memorable moments, and an abundance of opportunities throughout our circles of influence. At the same time, we reduce the numbers of misunderstandings and conflicts that cost us dearly whether in the form of frustration, confusion, stress, lost revenue, heartache, headaches, or other draining experiences.

Anytime two or more are gathered, there’s an opportunity for all sorts of communication challenges to occur.  However, with the intent to create harmony in our connections, along with arming ourselves with proven strategies to deploy from a vital ”get along”kit to either prevent or repair a communication chasm we’re rewarded with relationships that work and connect.

What people do want in their relationships, both personal and professional, is getting to the HEART of needs: to feel heard/honored, encouraged, appreciated, respected, trusted/treasured. If just one of these is missing in a connection, either one or both parties are likely to experience the potential for a  reaction and disconnection. This seems to universally resonate with people because it is what many participants list as one of the most memorable points of my presentations. Read the rest of this entry »

After saying good-bye to a friend this morning who had to move out-of-state to recuperate from her injuries, I was feeling a bit “blue.” I made myself a cup of herbal tea and peering out the window got a surprise, a “jolt of joy” seeing daffodils that poked out of the ground much earlier than usual, reveal their yellow trumpets weeks before their typical unveiling. Adding to the delight, I also noticed a few purple and white striped crocuses poking through the rain-drenched grass. Just these few moments of unexpected beauty helped to shift my mood. Then, while stuck in traffic (a definite stressor in metro DC!) I caught my first sight of  forsythia, and focused on the yellow blossoms, taking my attention away from the line of cars ahead.  Then, another glorious mood-shifter, I captured the fragrance of spring blossoms–all special sensory delights. Wouldn’t you know, research confirms “flower power”  has a very positive impact our moods. Read the rest of this entry »

Got stress? Feeling frazzled? Chances are, you’ve got plenty of reasons. Stress quickly descends upon us when life comes at us fast or grinds away and wear us down from heavy loads, especially without receiving much respite.

Unexpected situations that assault our sensibilities is one form, as my daughter experienced last Saturday while celebrating her birthday with friends upon discovering that her new purse, wallet and jacket had been stolen.  Undoubtedly, at the moment of discovery, the stress response kicked in with the realization of what it all meant and everything she now had to do–reporting stolen credit cards, thinking about all the scheduled credit card payments that would have to be updated, changing locks, “doing time” at the DMV to get another license, replacing keys and the countless items stashed away in a purse. 

Then this morning, I received news that a friend’s car had been broken into for the seventh time in less than a year, and two days back-to-back!  For sure criminal assaults take their tolls in many ways, robbing us of our stuff, not to mention our serenity, but more commonly, we’re increasingly assaulted with feelings of too many responsibilities, competing priorities, unexpected events, interrupted plans, or any number of self-imposed expectations that breed chronic stress, all with the potential for creating a  noticeable toll upon our health. Read the rest of this entry »