Do you resonate to a specific place that makes your heart sing? Mine is the mountains, especially massive, majestic ones, snow and ice-capped with ancient glaciers. Fortunately on a recent trip to France, my travel companions, Anne and Sarah, resonate to them as well.  So, we booked a few days in the chic and charming village of Chamonix, in the valley of the shadow of Mont Blanc, the highest mountain in Europe. A mountain peak experience to top off our vacation earlier exploring lavender, cobbled streets and the pastoral beauty of Provence.

Anne has quite a connection to the region. French by birth and fueled by a family tradition of climbing majestic Mont Blanc, she took on the challenge and achieved her mountaintop victory five years ago, contributing her story of her gutsy adventures in Dancing through Life with Guts, Grace & Gusto. While we were in Chamonix, Anne arranged for Sarah and I to meet her multi-talented guide, Lionel Wibault, credited with nearly 2,500 ascents of mountain ranges worldwide. But in addition to his  mountain-climbing prowess, Lionel is an accomplished artist and painter, having his works exhibited at the Louvre, among many other galleries. Artistic genius runs in the family. His father, Marcel Wibault, had 4000 paintings to his credit.

Looking around Lionel’s colorful studio, amidst paintings of mountainscapes, fields of flowers and portraits, I was impressed with his many creative mediums beyond  the canvas. Lionel had intricately carved wooden door panels, painted floral designs in the ceiling, and beautiful calligraphy upon his walls, one which translates as “ Beauty reveals itself to you when you have given your all” and another on his studio door, Bien faire et laisser dire” ( Don’t worry what people say, just do your best). Read More

Have you created a “Bucket List’?, a list of all the things you’d like to do or see before time is up to do them and you’re off the planet? Back in high school, I was inspired by John Goddard who presented assemblies on his travel adventures. I had no idea back then until reading the very first Chicken Soup for the Soul book in which he was featured, that as a teen he made a list of 100+ adventures and goals he wanted to achieve. What a wonderful way to create life filled with what you value and want to weave together as your destiny.

Since I also embrace creating life as you most want to live it, I made my own list.  It’s an interesting exercise of what I value, of what feeds my soul. I joyfully cross things off when I do them, and also keep adding to it in anticipation when something else arises.

So, a few years ago, while scanning some travel books, a pastoral scene caught my attention–rows of lavender in France. Ahh! I’ve always been one who stops to smell the roses, and the thought of breathing in the fragrance of a field of lavender sent my stressed out spirit soaring. Well, the epicenter of lavender production is Provence, France and in doing research, scenes of sun-washed hilltop villages, Roman ruins, outdoor cafes, pastoral patchworks of vineyards, olive groves, stately cypress, amber wheat fields, and endless acres of sunflowers and lavender became an irresistible lure.

Last fall, plans were made with two friends, Sarah and Anne, also drawn to Provence’s beauty and charm, to book summer 2011 to stop and smell the lavender in full bloom.

Once there, it exceeded my expectations! Provence was indeed a symphony of sensory delights, as described in some promotional material. The lavender fields were humming from bees taking advantage of the sweet nectar . . . the fragrances from every corner, the color contrasts of purple lavender and yellow sunflowers, the feast of fresh fruits and vegetables, cheeses, and crusty bread purchased daily from outdoor markets, and then ending each day filled with all of its natural wonders, sitting outside underneath a mulberry tree overlooking a vineyard, sharing with friends for hours on end.

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When conflict arises, are you speaking your truth?

Life presents us with an ongoing series of situations that can strain relationships. Conflict is a natural part of life, with the potential to arise when you face resistance, pressure, change, or merely interacting with others. It brings up uncomfortable feelings which can threaten well-being. Whenever friction arises from unmet or competing needs, wants, and values, a gap occurs, creating a “connection chasm.”

Our judgments, assumptions, frustrations, annoyances, misunderstandings, expectations, suspicions, opposing perspectives, and more can all spark conflict, an inevitable part of life’s interactions.  When that connection chasm forms, anger, whether mild or wild, can result. Yet anger doesn’t have to eat you up, pollute the atmosphere, or ruin your relationships. In fact, it’s often because they’re not dealt with, that the gap grows wider and you become distressed, drained, and disconnected by them.

When some people are peeved, it’s unmistakable; they let you know their feelings in no uncertain terms, and they “tell it like it is.” At the other end of the spectrum are those who repress, swallow, and stuff their feelings because of the discomfort they produce. Holding back powerful feelings breeds resentment and sabotages authentic relationships, which must be based on emotional integrity.

If you stuff your feelings about something that’s upsetting, you know your reasons for remaining silent–believing some matters just aren’t worth ruining a relationship, making a scene, or rocking the boat (although that boat is already riding over troubled water!) Or you’re uncomfortable with conflict and want to “keep the peace” at any price (except your own), or knowing that by admitting your unhappiness with a person or situation might set the stage for major change and you’re not ready for that, at least not now.  So you bite your lips until they’re raw and stuff it down . . . again.

But the drawbacks of suppressing your anger can add up. Over time, irritations or issues fester, and the pent-up energy from stuffed feelings can make you resentful and bitter. Not speaking your truth in alignment with your needs and values is destructive to emotional integrity and healthy relationships.  And keeping silent on issues that concern you is particularly harmful to long-term relationships. It takes an enormous amount of emotional and physical energy to keep powerful feelings stuffed inside where they silently brew. Read More

“Will life ever be the same for you?” the reporter asked a Joplin resident on this morning’s newscast following the flattening of a city from a Midwestern monster tornado. What a preposterous question! How could life ever be the same when an entire community is physically decimated with few remnants, if any, of familiarity?  Residents will begin again, rebuilding a new life that could never fully resemble the old. Experiencing such utter destruction shakes up everything, usually  including our priorities, and that changes how a new life is reassembled.

As a metaphor, a storm that twists and tears your life apart as you once knew it, can never be reassembled in the same way.  There’s a natural desire to hang on to the pieces. Just as they’re doing now in Joplin, people sifting through the rubble, to find remnants from the past, of something tangible, representing life before the storm.

When life twists us in new directions–whether through natural disasters or changes in health, relationships, finances, employment and other events, we’re given an opportunity to examine how to re-engineer from the perspective of “what is.”  This means bracing for the arduous task of starting over along with an attitude of acceptance that our life for awhile and perhaps a very long time, will be chaotic, far from the comfort zone of the past.  There’s much to overcome including our own resistance–that’s required for firing up a spirit of resilience to meet all the challenges, but ultimately, that is what’s needed.

Tess Gallagher reminds us, “The past is not only that which happened but also that which could have happened but did not.” So we have to embrace the new reality and not rail against what we have to do to put life back together, if it hadn’t happened. It did. Looking back and wishing your present wasn’t what it is, does nothing to support needed next steps. Moving forward is where you need to focus your energy along with remembering to have patience through the process, often reminding yourself regularly to be patient especially when it’s hard, because it is. Building a new life takes time, an endurance run for the heart.

Taking time to reflect how you want to experience your present as well as how you want your future to look like, is a valuable stress-reducer. That way you’re consciously creating your attitude which is within your control–of setting your intentions, a powerful and productive use of your energy. It’s scary being in uncharted territory, not knowing what’s next, and lots of “what if’s” that rise up  adding to your angst.  Yet,  when you take command by committing to how you will maneuver through all the changes, things fall into place rather than apart.

When my life was in full-blown chaos from the unexpected journey taken in 2004, I remember wailing, “I don’t like my life much right now!” My world had shaken apart, and found myself spinning in so many directions–stressed, confused, with fear thoughts swirling through my head. Read More

In rummaging through my files tonight I came upon a “heartwork” assignment given to my daughter, Stacy, when she was 17.  Admittedly, I was a most intentional parent with a desire for her to make choices for creating a happy, purposeful life. Now eight years later, and with her wedding less than three weeks away, she definitely took it all to heart, and her life has become a reflection of living in alignment with her values and very conscious choices.

Stacy probably didn’t need any nudging, and undoubtedly with me being an author, speaker and coach on living with guts, grace & gusto, those messages swirled around our home all the time. Self-reflection and intentional living was definitely in her gene pool.  However, I was likely the one who needed the assurance that she would be launched from the nest, properly outfitted to soar with all the tools and tactics to carve out a destiny in tune with her heart. Read More

How fast do you bounce back when life throws you a curve? Whether a chronic situation that wears your down or one that knocks you for a loop perhaps after being embroiled in an emotional battle? Enduring humiliation? Suffering disappointment? Failing to perform at your expected level of competence?

Emotional resiliency is the ability to recover from painful feelings, in order to experience a renewed state of emotional equilibrium. The emotional recovery process is critical to feeling good about yourself and your well-being—your quality of life relies upon it. Emotional resiliency involves accepting your feelings, acknowledging their presence, embracing the valuable messages they bring to your awareness and integrating them into your experience of living.

We humans often postpone attracting better things into our lives by staying stuck in the heartache, excuses, blame, animosity and feelings of inadequacy. By refusing to define and direct actions for catapulting us out of “The Pits,” we may choose instead to stew, fume, accuse, resent, grieve, despair or spin our wheels until later, when the time is right or we feel up to it. Procrastination delays movement for altering our future. Time goes by and with it, the opportunity for healing and triumphing over debilitating emotions that we’ve chosen to replace our happiness.

Like the branches of a tree that bend in flow to outer forces, being resilient requires adapting to the stressors woven into every life. It’s meeting the unexpected with the conviction to stay focused and find new solutions to the challenges at hand or those looming on the horizon. It’s picking up the scattered shards of expectations and piecing together new dreams. Resiliency is committing to learn from misfortune, extracting its lesson and applying its teaching. Read More